Diagnosis ~ Fear
I have been thinking alot lately about diagnosis. I’ve been thinking about how I feel about accepting that I believe I have Asperger’s Syndrome without a diagnosis.
Someone on a forum today said something that clicked for me. I think that it takes courage and confidence in yourself to say “I am autistic” without the back up of a doctor or expert “giving” you that. I remind myself that even people with a diagnosis deal with people who believe they are making it up or trying to use it as an excuse for something. So I wonder if I could and did get a diagnosis…what would that change? It would “back me up” and lend credibility to what I know about myself. But I am not sure when that would be important except in my own feelings. So if I know it deep inside, then maybe the only reason to consider a diagnosis would be so that I would not have to feel like people might think I don’t know what I’m talking about. I realized that I prefer to face my fears and this feels like something I need to make peace with. I need to make peace with the fact that there will be people who do not believe me.
All through my life I have been challenged to do what I need to do even though others did not understand. It feels important to me somehow to do that with this issue even if I could or did get a diagnosis some time in the future I do not believe I would seek it until I don’t feel that I need it to “back me up.”
This is not to say that there is never a reason to get a diagnosis. I believe that what is right for me is only that, what is right for me. If it feels right to someone else that they work toward a diagnosis that would be the right thing for them.
